Here at Coburg Banks we see so many CVs that you would think that nothing would surprise us any more However, once in a while we see a weird job title on a CV that is so bizarre it completely bamboozles us.
Internally in a business, having a contest to give someone the weirdest job title may seem a bit of fun. But when that person feels that the time is right to move on from that business, some wrongly believe that casting away conventional job titles will give them individuality and an edge over their competitors in the market.
It’s a risky tactic though. With the average CV looked at by a recruiter for no longer than 10 – 20 seconds, candidates calling themselves either a wizard or a ninja will quickly be laughed out of the running for a new position.
Some companies also believe they can get away with paying a staff member a pitiful wage as long as they give them a beefy sounding title. I remember taking my first role after leaving University back in the mid-Nineties. I was earning what would barely be minimum wage now, but I was given the fancy title of Corporate Incentive Manager.
To this day I still fail to see the relationship with the weird job title and what I was actually doing in my day-to-day duties, with most of my time spent counting boxes of t-merchandise in a warehouse.
I have compiled below the 50 weirdest job titles that have genuinely been found on CVs. It perhaps says something about people in marketing, of which I am one, that the majority of the convoluted job titles below are from the marketing sector.
I have tried to decipher as many of the weird job titles as I can and put the logical job title next to the idiotic one, but some have defeated me. I’ve put a question mark to the weird job titles I couldn’t quite understand. If you can guess what they are, pop your version of the job title in the comments box below.
1. Beverage Dissemination Officer – Bartender
2. Chick Sexer – Someone who determines the sex of chickens
3. Digital Overlord – Website Manager
4. Retail Jedi – Shop Assistant
5. Wizard of Light Bulb Moments – Marketing Director
6. Chief Chatter – Call Centre Manager
7. Animal Colourist – This person dyes animals for movies and marketing campaigns
8. Problem Wrangler – Counselor
9. Twisted Brother – Balloon Artist
10. Digital Dynamo - Digital Marketing Executive
11. Direct Mail Demi-God – Direct Mail Manager
12. Dream Alchemist – Head of Creative
13. Marketing Rockstar – Marketing Executive
14. Light Bender – Someone who is responsible for the high-tech, precision job of making neon lights
15. Space Travel Agent – This is the job of Craig Curran who is an accredited travel agent for Virgin Galactic, the world’s first space tourism business.
16. Associate to the Executive Manager of Marketeer’ing and Conservation efforts – Marketing Assistant
17. Pneumatic device and machine optimizer – Factory Worker
18. Senior Kindle Evangelist’ – In charge of all things ‘Kindle’ for Amazon
19. Brand Evangelist – Marketing Brand Manager
20. Chief Inspiration Officer – A ‘CIO’ is a company representative whose role is essentially to encourage ‘belief in the company’ and ‘internal evangelism of its values’ (give me strength)
21. Part-Time Czar – Czars were Eastern European supreme rulers that haven’t been around since WWII. This person is either an assistant manager or perhaps an emperor of Russia who has been kept in a cryopreserve state since 1917 and is now ready to rejoin the job market.
23. Associate Vice President – One of a number of Vice Presidents
24. Patron Saint of Academic Studying – Unless this person was several hundred years old, I’m doubting whether this person is being totally honest about being a saint.
25. Personalized care assistant – Surely just care Assistant is fine?
26. Hair Boiler- Someone who boils animal hair until it curls (for use in a variety of products)
27. Cheese Sprayer – Someone who sprays cheese or butter by hand on popcorn
28. Oyster Floater – Someone who floats oysters in water until they are free of impurities
29. Marketing Rockstar – Marketing Manager
30. Grand master of underlings – Deputy Manager
31. Creativity analyst – Assistant Marketing Manager
32. Accounting Ninja – Financial Manager (Trying to make numbers sound sexier than they are)
33. Sales Ninja – Sales Executive
34. Conversation Architect – Digital Marketing Manager
35. Director of Fun – Director of Marketing
36. New Media Guru – Digital Marketing Manager
37. Initiative Officer – Planner
38. Social Media Trailblazer – Digital Marketing Executive
39. Corporate Magician – Trade Show Magician
40. Master Handshaker – ?????
41. Communications Ambassador – ?????
42. Happiness Advocate – ?????
43. Under Secretary to the Sub-Committee – ?????
44. Hyphenated-specialist – ??????
45. Second Tier Totalist – ??????
46. Actions and Repercussions Adviser -??????
47. Professionalist International and world-wide optical and vision-focused tenured professorship – ??????
48. Creator of Happiness -??????
49. Change Magician - ?????
50. Chief Biscuit Dunker- ??????
If you would like to avoid telling the world you a wizard or an evangelist, then read my blog on 20 reasons why your CV will be rejected, which will give you plenty of pointers to grab that next big job.