22 Literal Answers to Common Interview Questions

22 Literal Answers to Common Interview Questions

First of all, I have to tell you that this blog is definitely NOT how to answer interview questions.

Don’t make a note of these and don’t use them at your interview.

Or at least if you do, record it so that we can laugh at the reaction. 😂

I’m kidding, don’t do it full stop.

Anyway, I’ve always thought that interview questions can sometimes just beat around the bush or are just unnecessary.

So, I decided to go through 22 of the most common interview questions and answer them in the initial way I interpreted them.

The result? Pretty funny, I’d say. 😅

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few job seekers in their first ever, most unprepared interviews, have actually given these answers.

Because let’s be honest, no one knows what an interviewer wants to hear until they’ve done an extensive amount of research on the topic!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy them… Let me know your thoughts.

What can you tell me about yourself? 📢

A lot, probably. Can you be a little more specific? We could be here for a while otherwise.


Can you list your strengths? 💪

Yes, I can.


What weaknesses do you have? 🤒

I don’t enjoy being tickled. I’d say that was my real weakness.


Why should I consider hiring you? 🤔

You’re already considering hiring me. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?

Where do you see yourself five years from now? 👁

Hopefully I’ll win the jackpot on the lottery. If not, then I’m not really sure. I’d like to think I was employed at least.


Why do you want to work here? 💼

Just seemed like one of the better paying options I had. I also noticed you had great perks, looking forward to the nights out!


What is your salary expectation? 💸

More than what I’m on now. What are you willing to offer me?


What motivates you? 👊

If I was to be brutally honest, I’d have to say food or money. I can’t rank them in order of importance – they’re pretty equal.

Is there anything that you would like to ask me? 🧐

Have I got the job..?


What would your colleagues and friends say are your best qualities? 🗣

I’d have to say my colleagues would definitely rate me on my ability to crack a good joke. Friends? I’m pretty good at holding my drink on a night out.


What do you know about our company? 🤓

Not a lot, but what I do know is on your website. Would you like me to remind you what’s on there?


What’s an average day in your current or previous job?

Few cups of coffee, chin wag with the colleagues, then probably scroll through memes for a good hour or two. Apart from that, just get the basics of my job done… You know, so no one complains I’m not working.

What do you think of our products or services? 🛍

I haven’t got a clue what you do.


What was the last film you saw? 🎬

Lego Batman.


Why was there a gap in your employment between [insert date] and [insert date]? 🕳

Just fancied a bit of time off.


What can you offer us that someone else can not?

Can I meet the other person?


Tell me about an accomplishment you are most proud of. 🏆

(Realisation that you’ve never accomplished anything). I won sports day at school, once.

Discuss your CV. 📄

…Aren’t you supposed to have read it?


What gets you up in the morning?

My alarm, how about you?


What makes you uncomfortable? 🥴

Interviews.


How would you fire someone?

Tell them they’re fired.


What questions haven’t I asked you? 😶

…Are you being serious?

Summary

What do you think?

Hopefully you laughed a little at these!

Thing is, the interviewer is always after particular answers from these questions.

Whilst there’s no specific answer, there’s a specific structure and a specific skill or experience they’re looking for.

If you want a little more help with that then you can find out more in this blog post: 3 Common Interview Questions You Need to Know How to Answer

And I’ve got a quick question for you… Which interview questions bug you the most? Let me know via the comments below or our Twitter feed.

(P.S. Feel free to subscribe to this blog – so you can receive a weekly update on our Friday Funnies).

Happy Friday!

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