Coburg Banks | Multi-sector UK recruitment agency

The 30 Best (Worst) Excuses For Pulling a Sickie!

By Anthony Hughes | Nov 27, 2015 | Friday Funnies

Girl fake-coughing saying 'I can't go out I'm sick'It’s that time of year again…

When the temperature drops (how cold was it last weekend brrrrr?!) the mornings and evenings get darker and it suddenly becomes almost bloody unbearable to get out of bed in the morning.

But, most of the time, we’ll rouse ourselves out of bed and tumble into work… most of the time.

This week, I’ve been researching some of the funniest, most ridiculous and to be honest, quite fantastic, excuses people have actually given when pulling a sickie.

We thought you might like some inspiration this winter.

Unbelievable Injuries

man attempting and failing to throw a bowling ballThrowing a Sickie Excuse 1:  My fingers are currently stuck in a bowling ball.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 2:  We were playing tennis on the Wii and the Wii controller flew out of my girlfriend’s hand and knocked my tooth out.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 3: I was sitting in the bathroom and my feet and legs fell asleep. When I stood, up I fell and broke my ankle.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 4: I rolled out of bed and knocked myself out so I missed my alarm.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 5: I was in the loo and my legs fell asleep. When I stood up, I fell and broke my ankle.

Animal Matters

goldfish in bed at the hospitalThrowing a Sickie Excuse 6:  A fox stole my car keys while I was asleep.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 7:  A chicken attacked my mother.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 8:  My goldfish is ill.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 9:  I have a new puppy and I need to play with him.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 10:  My cat has hiccups and I can’t leave her.

Housing Problems

the ghost from ghostbusters eating loads of foodThrowing a Sickie Excuse 11: Someone glued my doors and windows shut so I couldn’t leave the house.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 12:  I was locked outside naked till 4am.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 13:  Someone has graffitied a big “phallic symbol” on the front of my house.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 14: A cow broke into my house and I’m waiting for the insurance man.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 15: We think the house is haunted so we’ve called a priest out.

Alcohol Issues

Lindsay Lohan saying 'is there alcohol in this?'Throwing a Sickie Excuse 16: I need a few hours to get the alcohol level in my blood down to a legal level.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 17: I had a really bad beer on Saturday and my stomach still isn’t right

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 18: My wife got annoyed with me rolling in drunk, so she cut the cord on my alarm and I slept through.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 19: I think I’ve been spiked.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 20: I accidentally downed a rum and coke this morning, thinking it was just coke.

Transport Troubles

person driving round the petrol station and continuously being on the wrong sideThrowing a Sickie Excuse 21:  I went to get petrol but I couldn’t get the cap off because my hands are too moisturised, so I had to call my boyfriend to come and do it for me.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 22: A tree fell on my car.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 23: I accidentally got on a plane.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 24: My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 25: I couldn’t start the car. (Excuse given by someone without a driving license).

You’re-never-going-to-get-away-with-it Excuses…

man sweating - having a nightmareThrowing a Sickie Excuse 26:  I’ve had a nightmare and I’m in no fit mental state to come in today

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 27: I forgot to come back to work after lunch.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 28: Jack Duckworth died in Corrie last night and I’m in no fit state to face coming into work.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 29:  My curlers burned my hair, and I had to go to the hairdresser.

Throwing a Sickie Excuse 30: A hitman was looking for me.

What’s the worst sickie excuse you’ve ever given?

I’d genuinely love to hear some of your awful sickie-pulling confessions! If you’re already subscribed, just pop us a reply to the email you received.

If not (why not?! click here to sign up) feel free to email our Digital Content Manager – – she’ll collect the best stories for publishing in future blogs.

(Don’t be shy – she’s very friendly!)

Recruiter Pro Tip.

We jest, but it’s actually really irritating when staff members are constantly pulling sickies – so how can you encourage them to stop?

  • Work on your employee engagement. If your team actually enjoy work, they’ll be much less likely to pull sickies. (Need advice? Click here to check out 10 fantastic resources.)
  • Review your sickness, absence and disciplinary policies. Ensure that they are watertight and update them if necessary.
  • Stipulate that staff must telephone their Line Manager to report any sickness, rather than email of text a colleague.  This could deter some employees from lying.
  • Reward a cash bonus to any member of staff who manages to go the whole year without a day of sick.

If you’ve got a staff member who’s particularly taking the piss, then you should do something about it. It will bring down morale and encourage others to follow suit if they see someone getting away with it.

Of course some of us will be genuinely unwell and have a valid reason for not coming to work and inflicting our misery onto other people.

Good luck! Stay healthy!

- Anthony Hughes

Anthony Hughes

Anthony is a recruitment veteran of 18 years and is also one of the original founders of Coburg Banks. He now trains recruitment consultants on the best methods to utilise when sourcing and assessing applicants for their clients. 


> More blog posts by Anthony Hughes

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