Coburg Banks | Multi-sector UK recruitment agency

The 50 Best New Year’s Resolutions

By Mark Wilkinson | Jan 7, 2016 | Friday Funnies

Have you come up with some great New Year’s resolutions this year?

Or are you one of those cynical people who thinks the whole ‘new year, new me’ thing is a bunch of… {insert your own rude word here}?

Either way, this list of the 50 best (more honest) New Year’s Resolutions should at least give you a giggle – or some great inspiration this 2016.

Enjoy and as always, Happy Friday!

Healthy Body.

woman drinking diet coke and then saying 'I can eat anything now'New Year’s Resolution 1: I will stop trying to sabotage everyone else’s diet by bringing cakes and sweets into the office.

New Year’s Resolution 2: I will stop telling everyone that I’m on a diet and then munch on chocolate when I get home.

New Year’s Resolution 3: I will stop drinking so much alcohol that the next day I can’t move from bed and feel like the world is about to end.

New Year’s Resolution 4: I will stop using the terrible weather as an excuse not to exercise – (the gym is inside for goodness sake).

New Year’s Resolution 5: I will stop eating huge meals after any form of exercise because I’ve ‘already burnt it off.’

diet new year's resolutionsNew Year’s Resolution 6: I will stop considering Friday, Saturday and Sunday as “all-you-can-eat” days just because “it’s the weekend.”

New Year’s Resolution 7: I will stop using the ‘I’ve had a really stressful day’ excuse to have a cheeky cigarette, drink or take-away.

New Year’s Resolution 8: I will include Kale in every single one of my meals.

New Year’s Resolution 9: I will give away the mountains of chocolate I received for Christmas.

New Year’s Resolution 10: I will only buy clothes a size smaller than I am, so I’m forced to lose weight (or wear old clothes).

Healthy Mind.

Rachel from friends saying Why does everything happen to me?New Year’s Resolution 11: I will stop constantly moaning about the weather, my commute and how tired I am in the office.

New Year’s Resolution 12: I will stop watching (and/or being a guest on) Jeremy Kyle.

New Year’s Resolution 13: I will stop promising myself that I’ll get an early night and then staying up ridiculously late.

New Year’s Resolution 14: I will go out and socialise once a week (instead of sitting around in my pants, bingeing on Netflix).

New Year’s Resolution 15: I will read… something other than Facebook status updates and Lad Bible stories.

woman smoking and rubbing head, hungoverNew Year’s Resolution 16: I will finally learn how to play the {insert musical instrument} that I bought 3 years ago and haven’t touched since.

New Year’s Resolution 17: I will get up earlier than 10am at the weekend and do something cultural (like visit a Museum).

New Year’s Resolution 18: I will stop drinking so much that the next day all I can feel is dread, guilt and disgust with myself (also good for a healthy body).

New Year’s Resolution 19: I will find a fantastic new job and quit my current one in style!

New Year’s Resolution 20: I will take up a calming activity, like origami, painting or baking.

Clean Living.

woman sneezing into handsNew Year’s Resolution 21: I will stop picking my feet and/or nose.

New Year’s Resolution 22: I will always have tissues to hand (so as to avoid the inevitable *he just sneezed all over his hands* glares on the train).

New Year’s Resolution 23: I will pull the hair from the plughole much more regularly (before it blocks up).

New Year’s Resolution 24: I will clean more often (and not just when someone is visiting).

New Year’s Resolution 25: I will wash my clothes more often (and not have to wear dreadful, old and mismatched outfits at the end of the month).

minion dressed as a maid cleaningNew Year’s Resolution 26: I will change the bins more often (and won’t just wait around for my housemate/partner/parents to do it).

New Year’s Resolution 27: I will wash up every day (and won’t leave an ever-growing pile of dishes until the weekend).

New Year’s Resolution 28: I will start working my way through the mountains of bath stuff I received for Christmas.

New Year’s Resolution 29: I will stop leaving the toilet seat up.

New Year’s Resolution 30: I will finally clear out the shed/ attic/ closet under the stairs/ spare room/ car (or all).

Technological Resolutions.

man checking mobile phoneNew Year’s Resolution 31: I will stop checking my phone every 10 minutes just in case I missed something.

New Year’s Resolution 32: I will stop using the telephone whilst on the toilet.

New Year’s Resolution 33: I will stop chatting to the same person in multiple ways, EG, WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat.

New Year’s Resolution 34: I will stop playing on my phone during social occasions.

New Year’s Resolution 35: I will strip my phone of any addictive games.

couple taking a selfie on a rock and then a big wave takes them outNew Year’s Resolution 36: I will stop using the same password (“password”) for everything.

New Year’s Resolution 37: I will stop taking selfies.

New Year’s Resolution 38: I will stop using ridiculous text acronyms like “FFS” “AF” and “LY.”

New Year’s Resolution 39: I will stop buying ridiculous gadgets that I don’t need and will never use.

New Year’s Resolution 40:  I will buy a new charger, so I no longer have to position my phone in a certain way to charge.

Random Resolutions.

plant dying (video sped up)New Year’s Resolution 41: I will stop giving up on my resolutions.

New Year’s Resolution 42: I will stop making ridiculous resolutions that I can’t keep.

New Year’s Resolution 43: I will start reading instruction manuals.

New Year’s Resolution 44: I will grow a plant (and not fail to water it for a while and then let it die).

New Year’s Resolution 45: I will watch every single episode of every single show on Netflix.

Chewbacca saying something and Lando backing away scaredNew Year’s Resolution 46: I will remember to cancel my gym membership from last year.

New Year’s Resolution 47: I will learn how to speak Shyriiwook (Wookie).

New Year’s Resolution 48: I will start a one-man-band!

New Year’s Resolution 49: I will never write ROFL, unless I am actually rolling on the floor laughing.

New Year’s Resolution 50: I will do one nice thing for someone else, every day. (N’awww)

Need help to keep your New Year’s resolution?

Well done if you’ve managed to keep your New Year’s resolution so far!

(If you’ve not yet made a resolution and would like something slightly more serious – and perhaps more career-orientated – than the 50 ones above, check out this article.)

Recruiter Pro Tip.

63% of people admit to breaking a resolution in the past (I actually think it’s probably more than that…) and 66% of those people failed within a month!

So, the next few weeks are crucial.

Check out this article from NHS Choices, with some easy but important tips for successfully reaching your goals.

And don’t forget, if you’d like to read more Friday Funnies to brighten up your day, just click here to subscribe!

Good Luck!

- Mark Wilkinson
Mark Wilkinson

Mark Wilkinson

Mark is one of the founders of Coburg Banks and heads up the permanent recruitment division of the business.  Every day he helps companies with their recruitment projects, sourcing the very best individuals for their vacancies.  He understands recruitment inside-out.

> More blog posts by Mark Wilkinson

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