Coburg Banks | Multi-sector UK recruitment agency

50 Things You Should Never (Ever, Ever) Say to Your Boss

By Charles Trivett | Oct 5, 2016 | Friday Funnies

Woman Cringing - Your BossPrepare to cringe…

It’s not that easy being a manager, you know.

You try your hardest to keep everyone happy (employees, clients, senior management) – that’s no mean feat in itself – and when things do go wrong, you’re the one in the firing line.

And wow, you hear some things!

This week, I’ve been scouring the web & asking my colleagues, family & friends to reveal some of the worst and funniest things they’ve heard people say to their boss. Yep, people have actually said these things…

A little bit too honest…

Excuse Me? Your BossHonestly? Honesty is not always the best policy…


1. ‘I slept with my last three bosses you know…’


2. ‘I’m sorry but your breath really really stinks of coffee.’


3. ‘I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.’ (Whilst walking out of the toilet).


4. ‘I’m sorry, but your presentation really sucked.’


5. ‘You cannot wear that outfit to the meeting, sorry you just can’t.’


6. ‘Honestly, I think your wife is way hotter than Kerry’ (the boss’s mistress).


7. ‘I’ve spent hours wondering how you got this job.’


8. ‘I have a job interview on Monday; can I have the day off?’


9. Boss: ‘why have you been spending so much time on Facebook?’

    Employee: ‘because I hate this job more than anyone could hate anything, ever.’


10. ‘CONGRATULATIONS. I’ve been waiting 2 years for you to finally take the plunge and sack me.’


11. ‘I can’t come out today. I went out for a couple last night and I woke up in Ibiza.’

Great Comebacks…

ooh-burnThese bosses got told. Or did they?


12. ‘Sorry, I didn’t realise I was working for the pope of England.’


13. ‘You couldn’t manage a monkey.’


14. ‘Seriously though, what would your mother think?’


15. Boss: ‘you’re late.’ Employee: ‘Well done! You can tell the time.’


16. ‘Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what to do?’ (Erm, your boss).


17. ‘I don’t take orders from ugly people.’


18. ‘What are YOU going to do to improve my performance and time-keeping?’


19. ‘Whatever.’


20. Boss: ‘where were you yesterday?’ Employee: ‘ask your mom.’


21. Employee: ‘Knock-knock.’ Boss: ‘who’s there?’ Employee: ‘I quit.’


Rage issues (!)

Shocked. 50 Things You Should Never (Ever, Ever) Say to Your BossHeads-up.

It’s almost never acceptable to lose your cool with a manager…


22. ‘You’re worse than Hitler.’


23. ‘F*ck off – you rat b*stard!’


24. ‘You are narcissistic, juvenile, crude, conniving, sexist, and lacking any ethical boundaries whatsoever. You are crazy!’


25. ‘I’m leaving because your face makes me want to do bad things.’


26. ‘You make me depressed by the state of the world.’


…even if they are a massive d*ck (like this lot).

Awkward…

50 Things You Should Never (Ever, Ever) Say to Your Boss AwkwardA touch of verbal diarrhoea…


27. ‘Love you’ (at the end of a phone call)…


28. ‘Why am I so FAT?’


29. ‘Do you think anyone will ever love me?’


30. ‘DAD!’ (I’m sure a few people have done this one…)


31. ‘I would pay you to sing me a lullaby.’


32. ‘I like you, but I don’t trust you.’

Just plain inappropriate.

What did you say? Your bossNever mix business and pleasure…

33. ‘So when’s this drug test going to be?’


34. ‘Would you ever date an employee?’


35. ‘Can you hire us a hottie, please? I need something good to look at.’


36. ‘You have a secret admirer. Hint-hint, it’s me.’


37. ‘Fancy a whiskey – I keep some in my desk for emergencies?’

Weird and wonderful…

your boss - You're Really WeirdI wouldn’t know whether to laugh, cry or run straight out the door…


38. ‘BOO!’

(Whilst jumping out from behind a desk).


39. ‘Sometimes I feel like stapling my hand might make this job a little bit more interesting.’


40. ‘Would it be ok if I brought my mum to work on Fridays?’


41. ‘I literally don’t know whether to punch you or kiss you.’ (Wonder what they chose…)


42. ‘Don’t worry; I’ve cast a protection spell on the office.’


43. ‘You’re simply the best, duh duh duh duh!’ (Singing.)

First day nerves.

First day of work - your boss.We all get them!

44. ‘Are you an apprentice too then?’


45. ‘I’m pretty nervous. I can’t food at the moment…’


46. ‘I’m Jack’ (his name was Brian, the boss’s name was Jack).


47. ‘Honestly, I don’t even know what my job is.’


48. ‘I was just worried you’d all be a bunch of arseholes.’


49. ‘You came across so much more horrible in the interview.’


50. ‘I can’t really remember the interview… I may have exaggerated just a couple of things.’


Suffer with first-day nerves? You’re not the only one. Check this blog post out.

WOW! What the hell?

Some of these are truly horrendous. I genuinely can’t imagine saying some of this stuff to another human being, let alone my boss.

Recruiter Pro Tip

I guess if there’s any learning point from this (slightly outrageous) blog post, it’s that we should always be professional and respectful in the workplace.

Whether you’re the boss or the employee, it’s important to maintain good, strong relationships with your peers and seniors, otherwise the business just won’t work.

Click here to check out some great tips on building strong internal communication. It is so much more important than some people think.

OR if you’d just like to read more of our Friday Funnies, then click here to subscribe! We’ll pop across a quick weekly update with the latest.

Want to read more of the same?

Check out these hilarious articles with more examples of things we should all absolutely, totally avoid saying in the office!

Happy Friday folks!

- Charles Trivett
Charles - blog author

Charles Trivett

Charles heads up Coburg Banks’ IT Division, and has worked in recruitment for nearly 20 years.  His knowledge of how to optimise and get the most from a recruitment campaign is second to none, and he now works with a select handful of clients in maximising their recruitment ROI.

> More blog posts by Charles Trivett

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