Work can do pretty strange things to a person.
I guess it has something to do with the fact that you spend 8+ hours a day with the same people, getting overly-comfortable and running out of ice-breaker type topics (there’s only so many times you can talk about the weather)…
You’re bound to say something silly or weird eventually.
I know I have…
So this week, to celebrate our silliness (because it’s what makes us so human) I’ve tracked down some of the weirdest, funniest and most philosophical things that people have overheard at work.
Adults say the funniest things…
1. “Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?”
2. “I’ll pay you £50 to shut up.”
3. “He’s literally worse than Hitler.”
4. “You and my wife could mud-wrestle naked.”
5. “Babies aren’t just for Christmas, you know.”
6. “I want a piglet. But I’ll get rid of it when it’s a pig.”
7. “Anyone interested in a pile of bricks, it’s free on craigslist.”
8. “If I had a lightsaber, I would lightly saber you.”
9. “Can you show me how to open this banana?”
10. “So then I sat on him.”
11. “How would we ever know if we were a robot?”
12. “Swans are just female geese though, right?”
13. “This weekend, I’m just gonna sit round in my pants eating cheese.”
14. “It’s like Where’s Wally, but then I get to set you on fire.”
15. “I need you to tell my husband that we were together last night… intimately.”
16. “I just get so existential around babies.”
17. “Yep well, apparently he accidentally cheated, so I have to forgive him.”
18. “Harry Potter or Gandalf?”
19. “My odds of winning the lotto are about the same as a Chihuahua pooping in my bag.”
20. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, earth needs another Noah’s flood…”
21. “It’s not wee, I promise.”
22. ‘I slept with my last 3 bosses you know.’
23. “Coding for email is like swimming in a vat of vinegar with paper cuts.”
24. “So many people poop their pants at concerts. They think it’s a secret to the world, but I know.”
25. “Do you think that dinosaurs had nipples?”
26. “But who actually came up with morality in the first place?”
27. “Waffles are pancakes with abs.”
28. “I dreamt about you last night. It didn’t end well for you. You died.”
29. “Yes, that’s a for armpit, r for rat, k for kraken…”
30. “Okay, who’s not afraid of fire?”
31. “I like salt, but I’d never put it on food.”
32. “How much data can you store in an elephant?”
33. “Wow, I just way overblew my load!”
34. “Every time I walk by your desk, I look to see if you’re wearing my skirt.”
35. “How do you say the plural of a computer mouse? Is it mice?”
36. “Why isnt my mouse working – oh its not my mouse, its my sunglasses case”
37. “If bread was a vegetable, it’d be a potato.”
38. “Remember when I went a bit wild with that axe?”
39. “Sometimes I feel like stapling my hand might make this job a little bit more interesting.”
40. “Coconut shavings are the devil’s toenail clippings.”
41. “FYI you have smooth elbows.”
42. “Would you rather lose your eyes or your sexual organs?”
43. “I’m not nosy, I just know things.”
44. “Raw pumpkin is not my favourite vegetable.”
45. “A monkey could do my job. At least he’d be able to fling poo when he heard a stupid idea.”
46. “I’m seriously sick of taking orders from ugly people.”
47. “Why is he so angry? It must be the ginger rage.”
48. “Cheese will always be there for you. Cheese will never let you down.”
49. “Why is it art when Miley Cyrus does it, but illegal when I do it?”
50. “She’s pre-woke. She was woke in the womb.”
WOW!
Shows how important a little bit of context is…
Recruiter Pro Tip
We jest, but there are some things that you definitely should never say at work…
- 50 Things You Should Never (Ever, Ever) Say to Your Boss
- 50 Weird Things Managers Have Said to Employees
- 50 Words That Make You Sound Stupid
Maybe a rule of thumb should be to just think before we speak…
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Want more like this?
Here are some of the hilarious sources we pulled these hilarious “overheards” from…
Enjoy and happy Friday!
- Charles Trivett
