Ah, the morning rush. It’s a well-known fact that no one ever arrives at work with a spring in their step and a song in their heart. No, most of us stagger in, bleary-eyed and clutching a coffee as if it’s the elixir of life itself.
But what happens when you’re not just sluggish, but actually late? When you burst through the office door, realizing that your punctual coworkers are already neck-deep in emails, looking at you with a mixture of amusement and barely concealed judgement?
Well, for some, this is the moment to shine. The moment to unleash the pièce de résistance of creative storytelling: the excuse. And not just any excuse - the kind that’s so ridiculous, so blatantly absurd, that it somehow loops back around to being believable.
The Classic “Animal Antics” Excuse
One of the most time-honoured categories of excuses involves our four-legged friends. Because who doesn’t love a good animal story?
Consider the employee who claimed:
"I’m late because a squirrel stole my car keys."
Now, I know what you’re thinking: squirrels can’t drive. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have a penchant for shiny objects, and well, this excuse was nuts enough to work.
And let's not forget the ever-popular:
"My cat decided to take a nap on my work shoes, and I couldn’t bear to wake her up."
I mean, who in their right mind would disturb a sleeping cat? Frankly, if anything, this person should be commended for their dedication to feline welfare.
The “Unforeseen Home Disaster” Excuse
Ah, the home disaster – the perfect alibi because it’s both reasonable and verifiable only by entering the sanctity of one's personal space.
A favourite in this category comes from someone who boldly stated:
"I got locked in my own bathroom."
Was it the lock’s fault? Did the door just jam? Did they have to climb out of the window in their pajamas? It’s a great excuse because it’s impossible to judge without getting into personal plumbing issues.
Then there’s the heroic:
"I saved my neighbour’s house from flooding by turning off their hose in a dramatic fashion."
It’s equal parts noble and mundane, like a superhero whose powers are limited to household chores.
The “Transport Chaos” Excuse
When it comes to public transport, chaos reigns supreme. This, my friends, is fertile ground for the most glorious of excuses.
Like the infamous:
"I accidentally got on a train going in the opposite direction and ended up at the seaside."
Sure, it’s a stretch, but there’s something so relatable about the bewilderment of ending up in a place you absolutely did not intend to be.
And who can forget the legendary:
"The bus driver didn’t believe I had left my umbrella on the previous bus, so he drove me back to the depot to check."
So utterly bizarre that it must be true.
The “Bizarre Personal Mishap” Excuse
Then there are those excuses so intricately bizarre, they make you question the very nature of existence.
One employee waltzed in late and declared:
"I couldn’t find my glasses, so I couldn’t see to leave the house."
Fair point, because how does one leave the house when the world around them is nothing but a Monet painting?
And the pièce de résistance:
"I accidentally dyed my hair green instead of blonde and had to fix it."
With just enough detail to be believable, yet strange enough to make you wonder how such a thing could happen.
Need Employees Who Master Punctuality (and Maybe Excuses)?
If these excuses have left you both baffled and amused, perhaps it’s time to rethink how you approach lateness in your team.
At Coburg Banks, we understand that life happens, but we also know the importance of having a reliable team.
So if you’re looking to recruit people who can show up on time or at least entertain you with their excuses, get in touch.
We’ll help you find the right candidates that fit your business needs - and maybe bring a little humour to your mornings.
