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50 Funny Motivational Quotes to Put a Smile on Your Face

By James Ball | May 25, 2016 | Friday Funnies

man standing on top of mountain with demotivational quote 'dreams are like rainbows, only idiots follow themI stumbled across a rather aggravated post (rant) on LinkedIn the other day; detailing a certain user’s distaste (and hatred, actually) for inspirational quotes (posters to be more precise).

And ironically, it inspired me to write this blog!

I thought… surely, not every single quote out there is as ‘boring,’ ‘cheesy’ and ‘pointless’ as this LinkedIn user would have me believe?

And so this week, I’ve been on a quest to find the funniest, most witty and genuinely interesting motivational (and a few de-motivational) one-liners I could – in a bid to win over the cynics… enjoy.

Motivational Quotes

a cat going up the stairs the wrong way1. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” Joe Girard

2. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar

3. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin

4. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” Oscar Wilde

5. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” Winnie the Pooh

6. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” Tom Lehrer

7. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” Steven Wright

8. “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” Unknown 

9. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” Jeffrey Gitomer

10. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama

ron burgundy in a lion's cage saying 'I immediately regret this decision'11. “Bad decisions make good stories.” Ellis Vidler

12. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” Cassandra Duffy

13. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” Cathy Guisewite

14. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” Mark Twain

15. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

16. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” Benjamin Franklin

17. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” Unknown

18. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” Charles Schulz

19. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” Unknown

20. “Be happy – it drives people crazy.” Unknown

man doing a cha-cha in a snorkelling mask in swim shorts21. “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” Robert Brault

22. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand.

23. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” Robin Williams

24. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott

25. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” Elvis Presley

26. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers

27. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower

28. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” Jason Love

29. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

30. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” Franklin P. Jones

woman saying 'just bring me vodka'31.“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White

32. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Eddison

33. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” Unknown

34. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” Audrey Hepburn

35. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” Robert Bloch

36. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Marilyn Monroe

37. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” Robert Frost

38. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” Terry Pratchett

39. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke

40. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” Unknown

How about some Friday de-motivation?

Homer Simpson saying "trying is the first step towards failure"Bit of a cynic?

Do you agree that inspirational quotes are silly, boring and useless?

Well, here are some de-motivational (slightly sarcastic) quotes, just for you!

41. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” Homer Simpson

42. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” Unknown

43. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” Unknown

44. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” Unknown

45. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” Justin Sewell

46. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” Unknown

47. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.”  Ashleigh Brilliant

48. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” Unknown

49. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” Unknown

50. “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” Unknown

Click here to read more of these ridiculous, but hilarious quotes.

Feel inspired?

What do you reckon? Did I win you over? Or do you still think they’re pointless?

If you’d like to continue browsing some of the best, then check out these blog posts…

Or, if you’d like to sign up to this blog and receive a quick weekly update with the latest, light-hearted topic of the week (every Friday), click here to subscribe.

Have a wonderful weekend, folks.

- James Ball

James Ball

James is the founder and owner of Coburg Banks and a recruitment expert from Sutton Coldfield in the UK.  He regularly advises companies on how to improve and get the maximum ROI from their recruitment processes.

> More blog posts by James Ball

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