I stumbled across a rather aggravated post (rant) on LinkedIn the other day; detailing a certain user’s distaste (and hatred, actually) for inspirational quotes (posters to be more precise).
And ironically, it inspired me to write this blog!
I thought… surely, not every single quote out there is as ‘boring,’ ‘cheesy’ and ‘pointless’ as this LinkedIn user would have me believe?
And so this week, I’ve been on a quest to find the funniest, most witty and genuinely interesting motivational (and a few de-motivational) one-liners I could – in a bid to win over the cynics… enjoy.
1. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” Joe Girard
2. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar
3. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
4. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” Oscar Wilde
5. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” Winnie the Pooh
6. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” Tom Lehrer
7. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” Steven Wright
8. “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.” Unknown
9. “Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!” Jeffrey Gitomer
10. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Dalai Lama
11. “Bad decisions make good stories.” Ellis Vidler
12. “I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” Cassandra Duffy
13. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” Cathy Guisewite
14. “A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” Mark Twain
15. “Well-behaved women seldom make history.” Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
16. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” Benjamin Franklin
17. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” Unknown
18. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” Charles Schulz
19. “Think like a proton. Always positive.” Unknown
20. “Be happy – it drives people crazy.” Unknown
21. “Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” Robert Brault
22. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” Ayn Rand.
23. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” Robin Williams
24. “I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms” Michael Scott
25. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” Elvis Presley
26. “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers
27. “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower
28. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” Jason Love
29. “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach
30. “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” Franklin P. Jones
31.“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White
32. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas Eddison
33. “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” Unknown
34. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” Audrey Hepburn
35. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” Robert Bloch
36. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” Marilyn Monroe
37. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” Robert Frost
38. “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” Terry Pratchett
39. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” Billie Burke
40. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” Unknown
How about some Friday de-motivation?
Bit of a cynic?
Do you agree that inspirational quotes are silly, boring and useless?
Well, here are some de-motivational (slightly sarcastic) quotes, just for you!
41. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” Homer Simpson
42. “Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.” Unknown
43. “The best things in life are actually really expensive.” Unknown
44. “Every tattoo is temporary, because we’re all slowly dying.” Unknown
45. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” Justin Sewell
46. “Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.” Unknown
47. “It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.” Ashleigh Brilliant
48. “If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.” Unknown
49. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” Unknown
50. “Always remember that you are unique – just like everybody else.” Unknown
Click here to read more of these ridiculous, but hilarious quotes.
What do you reckon? Did I win you over? Or do you still think they’re pointless?
If you’d like to continue browsing some of the best, then check out these blog posts…
- The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes
- 50 Famous Quotes to Inspire You Today
- 28 Funny Motivational Quotes to Make Your Day Awesome
- 100 Funny Quotes Worth Laughing Over
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Have a wonderful weekend, folks.- James Ball