I’m having a bad day…
First, I got up late this morning.
My iPhone had decided to inexplicably shut down during the night, failing to charge and of course, leaving me alarm-less.
Then, after somehow managing to beat all of the odds and making it into work on time (a little bit bedraggled), I realised I’d left my laptop at home. I’m a hot-desker – my laptop goes with me everywhere and has (pretty much) everything I need on it.
After retrieving said laptop from home – and therefore trudging in 30 minutes late – I realised I’d forgotten my laptop charger…
These things come in threes right? Surely I’m out of the woods now?!
To make myself feel better this morning, I decided to dedicate this week’s Friday Funny to bad days at work – so I’ve been searching to internet for some of the best ones for you.
And after reading some of these (nightmare) work stories, my day seems like a dream…
And the record for the world’s shortest job is…
“I got hired for a corporate job. I had my first day and it seemed to be going well and then I, and the rest of my department, got called in for a surprise meeting.
Turns out we were all getting laid off.
Yep. I got laid off on my first day. That HAS to be a new record, right?“
Off to a smashing start…
“In high school, I got a job at a resort as a “hostess” in their dining hall.
First day there, they decide they want us to clean everything in the dining hall from top to bottom, because this resort really only ran during the summer. It needed a good scrub.
Well, the windows were the type that you could remove from the frame to clean, which made life a lot easier so you didn’t have to actually go outside to clean them.
Except that removable windows means droppable windows.
Yeah. First day on the job, first window perfectly cleaned, I pick it up to put it back in place – and drop it on my foot, shattering it. That was not so awesome.”
Quite the entrance…
“Once (I’ve got loads of these) I got sent to a client’s office in a featureless block in Wembley.
Somehow, I managed to get the directions up to the client’s reception horribly wrong. Before I’d realised it, I’d opened a fire door out onto the roof. It shut behind me with a resolute thunk, leaving me no option but to walk around the roof trying to find another way in.
Turning a corner, I spotted my work colleagues and the client all looking at me in bewilderment through the windows of their meeting room. They had to open a window for me to climb in, in front of everyone.
Source: The Guardian
Food babies are a real thing, you know…
“I was laid off from the company 8 years ago, but 10 years ago I approached the receptionist, who I knew was recently married and they were trying to conceive, and asked her how far along she was.
Apparently, as it was pointed out to me later by fellow co-workers that she had been eating more as she was upset that she couldn’t get pregnant.
I have said a lot of stupid things over the years, but I still believe that was my worst.”
Bet he was having a [beached] whale of a time…
“I once watched my boss belly slide across a long conference room table after he got super drunk at an office party.
He giggled the whole time while everyone cheered him on, and he landed right in front of me, his new assistant, as I walked into the room.
The most awkward part was watching him sloppily sideways-roll off the table while sheepishly trying to tug his shirt down over his very exposed stomach.”
Source: Buzz Feed
A tear-ible first day…
“I had just hired a young man for my office. It was his first day on the job, and in his first hour one of the fluorescent lights went out. I asked him if he wouldn’t mind changing it, and of course, he didn’t. He hopped up on a desk, switched the bulb then promptly jumped down.
It was as he landed that the seam of his pants blew out. ‘KRRSCHW!’ He looked mortified at the sound of tearing fabric.
I, ever the professional, cracked up. With tears in my eyes I told him to go to the bathroom, take off his pants and give them to me. I sewed up the seam for him. Could you imagine having your new boss sew up your pants on your first day of a new job? I knew from that moment on that he was going to be a great employee.”
Those three dreaded words…
“I told my boss I loved him at the end of a phone call.
I was multi-tasking while we talked and distractedly ended the call with ‘all right, I love you, see you later!’ like I usually do with my family. I caught myself and was very confused and started rambling with such eloquent statements as ‘Oh my god! I didn’t mean that. I absolutely don’t love you….no, I mean, I like working for you but I know you’re married and I’m married, and I’m not flirting so please don’t report me to HR for harassment…’
At some point during my back-pedaling, he just hung up.”
Source: Quick Base
Mudslide (not the fun kind)…
“I was supervising a design update to the office suite across the hall from where my office was located. It required some light construction – drywall, painting, carpet, stuff like that.
The contractor randomly asked me to come over to resolve a quick issue. As we walked around, he mentioned that the new cabinets and counters had just been installed yesterday. Without even thinking, I walked right into the kitchenette to see them. Which was unfortunate because that room was full of flooring guys who were laying the mud for the new floor onto the concrete.
In my stiletto heels, I slid on the mud halfway across the room INTO the new cabinet area, executed a weird twirl that caused my knee-length skirt to fly up, and fell through the doorway onto a roll of unwrapped carpet.
I shriek-mumbled an apology and limped quickly back to my desk across the hall. I didn’t realise til later that I’d left a trail of muddy high heel prints all the way out the door and into my office.”
Source: Quick Base
Bet that was a real slap in the face… Oh wait…
“I once slapped my former boss in the face. I’m a woman, he’s a man just a couple of years older than me. We had a good relationship, and we were talking and joking around.
He said something sarcastic, and I raised my hand to mock-slap him playfully. (Note to younger self, that was really stupid.)
He turned his head suddenly, into my hand, and it turned into a full on slap. He looked totally shocked and I was horrified.”
Source: Quick Base
Got some daddy issues…
“On my first day of work, I accidentally called my boss “daddy.”
(I’m well aware that at the age of 33 this is probably not an acceptable term for father, but there we go).
Suppose you have to face your mistakes head on…
“I work as a server at a pub. There was one Saturday that it got so busy, we broke the house record for most people served in a day. Naturally, the owners couldn’t be in that day, so we had extra staff on the floor to help curb the chaos. Despite this, I was still going crazy and subsequently let my mental filter go out the window.
So I have a family of four sit in my section. They had two teenage boys, the oldest couldn’t be much older than 15. The rest of the family orders, and then it falls to the oldest teenage boy. He orders our nacho plate. This is a huge plate, most people can’t even put a good dent in it. So I ask him if he wants a half plate. He asks how big a half plate is. I say, “well, the half plate is about the size of my face. The full plate is my face twice.”
And then I ask this 15 year old boy, “how many faces do you feel like eating?”
As soon as the words left my mouth I was immediately embarrassed. The family laughed, but it was part amusement and part horror. Why would I ask that?! The father made a quip about it sounding like something out of the Addams family, which defused the tension a little.
But I learned that day to think about what I say, no matter the situation.”
The sale was probably a real flop…
“My first (and only) day working at a clothing retailer on their famous Dollar Flip Flop Day.
They hired a bunch of new people specifically for this event, and gave us all our own small sections of the store to work. There was no training before-hand.
For my entire shift, all I did was fold t-shirts and apologise to hundreds of people for not being able to answer any of their questions. Not once did a manager walk by to ask me how I was doing.
It was a disaster.
After that, they only wanted to give me one shift a week, so I just quit.”
“I was in a meeting and desperately needed the toilet, but felt too awkward to just get up and leave so I waited and waited.
Eventually it was all too much so I ran out. I had to choose between 2 flights of stairs (back to our office) or straight out to the car and stupidly, I chose the latter.
I took off my tights and just stood casually weeing, praying that no one would notice.”
Hopefully, you’ve had a lovely week and a lovely day, but if not, I hope some of these stories made you feel a little bit better – you’re not the only one!
And if you’d like to read more stories like this one, check out these hilarious posts…
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Happy Friday!- Mark Wilkinson